||[Jan. 15th, 2004|01:24 am]
went for dinner with shelly and cheryl
theyer both very nice.. and im glad that ive got friends (i am the lamest person, i know)
university is not what i had expected it to be like. but i think i am happy =)
i think i will genuinly be sad when this is all over, but i think i may only do two or three years here at kwantlen...
i would really love to learn metal working, photography and graphics design and perhaps textile printing
and if i ever have time, it would be nice to have the the chance to learn shoe making, carpentry, hair design, makeup, glass working and cooking.
i want to learn so much. but i have so little time/life
or i could just spend my entire lifetime in school. which isnt too bad of an idea..
who needs a career?
also, some of the girls in the program are *so* spoiled. its unbelievable
( why??Collapse )
and everyone is so quick to judge... i really honestly thought that would be left behind me when i graudated higschool
but i guess its like drama
it doesnt leave?
and that sucks
i was dissillusioned that.. maybe it would end.
it also makes me think.. i wonder what they say about me? i hardly notice any of the things they chatter about. i wonder what else im missing?
i am also sad, because me an sabi are 'fighting'.
well, im not any longer
because im the kind of person that will rant, analyze it for a day, an then get it out of her system and it done with.
but i think sabi is upset still.
upset? for my posting about her in my lj? but she's posted about me before. and it is my journal...
for not understanding where she is coming from?
i think i understand: she doesnt want to pay for gas because she prolly feels she's not getting enough rides out of it to be of use to her. she's paying for her bus card. its a pain in the a$$ to ask me for rides, because sometimes i dont want to give her rides. she feels bad? (or am i giving myself too much credit here?)
and by my saying these 'bad' things about her, she feels she's not done anything right.
and i hate that she feels like that, because i always get so scared she'll get depressive again. or suicidal
and i dont wish to go through that again. it was the most emotionally taxing phase of my life. i hated seeing her depressed and not being able to do anything about it. and everytime daddy an mommy say something mean, or she goes against them, or they fight.
and it makes me sad
because i want to be here for her
but she says im not a very good listener. (im very blunt with my opinion, and sometimes she doesnt wish to here it..)
and so she sometimes doesnt come to me to talk
and that makes me very very sad.
because im here for her. and when/if her an arthur done work out, or if they have a really big fight. im going to be here for her.
her faithful little jenni
if she ever seriously asked me to, i'd probolly follow her around the world
but i know that she wont be here for me every time i need her
she wants to move out. she wants to travel the world
and i am still clinging to her.
but thats not her fault. but mine, because i keep wishing she was a little bit more like me? selfish i know. but i think that everyone and anyone cannot help but wish that of another person sometime in their life.
and it probolly helps that she is outgoing anf friendly and easy to get along with
and i am almost the complete opposite. i am not saying that i am hopeless, but i am not as easy to get along with i think. i dont make friends as readily as she does..
and thats ok. because im happy like that.
but she always has somebody around her. and 'somebody' doesnt always include me.
she is a bit self centered. but everyone is. and maybe i am only hopeing that i would be important enough to her that i'd be included in that 'center'.
so those are my problems. and it makes me sad. boo f'n hoo, hey?
self pity will get me places like the middle of an ocean with no floatation devices
i think me and sabi fight about 5 times a year. maybe even less.
and i dont think i have ever ranted or said bad things about her to the public.. though really. its none of your business, or that you'd really care..
but everyone always says to not let it bottle up.
but anyways, i miss my sabi.
hah. maybe i am hopeless.